Written by Safwah Abdul Razak | @safwah.ak
Diana looked at her daughter’s mouth, with bits and pieces of chawanmushi everywhere. They were sitting together at a Japanese restaurant and the sushi conveyor belt whirred constantly beside them. The smell of sashimi wafted around the restaurant as the chef, situated right behind Diana’s seat, began to chop salmon into small slivers with swift strokes of his knife. Diana’s daughter looked at the sushi passing by them, amazed and perplexed at the same time. The rotating sushi seemed to glisten and sparkle in front of her very eyes, enticing her to occasionally poke the small plastic covers which protected the sushi from curious, prying hands. Barely two years old, it was no surprise that the sushi conveyor belt seemed as magical to her as a merry-go-round.
“Ain, look at Mama,” Diana said while she gently wiped away the chawanmushi left on Ain’s mouth.
“Chawanmushi, Mama!”
Ain beamed at her mother, proud to utter that word for the first time. The corners of Diana’s mouth twitched upwards as she tried to hide her smile.
“Yes, chawanmushi. Clever girl.”
Diana returned to her own chawanmushi. Her spoon penetrated the smooth pudding-like texture and she carefully lifted a piece of the chawanmushi to her mouth. The smell of the steamed egg custard rose up to her nostrils, invading her with its scent of steamed eggs, mushrooms, and a hint of crab sticks. The oh-so-familiar scent, which transported her straight back in time, before Ain had been born, when Diana was a child herself…
***
Diana was at her parents’ wedding and she felt too nervous to even eat a spoonful of rice during the kenduri. Diana’s stepmother, Mahsuri who was clad in her white, elegant baju kurung nikah, noticed with her sharp eyes that Diana looked lost in a sea of people who were helping themselves to the food served at the kenduri. Diana’s face was scrunched up with frustration as she tried to quell her hunger pangs. Mahsuri walked carefully with her dainty high heels through the crowd from her table and gently kneeled in front of Diana.
“Diana, are you hungry?” Mahsuri said.
Diana’s eyes were wide and apprehensive as she observed the face of her stepmother, which was adorned with heavy bridal makeup. Diana nodded and her stomach grumbled in response, which made her cheeks turn bright red. Mahsuri chuckled, carefully observing her stepdaughter under her thick, false eyelashes.
“Let’s get out from all of this crowd and go eat at a special place. Just the two of us,” Mahsuri winked at Diana.
Before Diana could utter an affirmative response, Mahsuri had already taken her hand and swiftly, in her four-inch heels, clattered through the crowd with Diana in tow. The crowd, perplexed at seeing the bride flee with her stepdaughter, made way for them as Mahsuri entered into her car, a grey Honda Civic. Diana scuttled over to the other door and made herself comfortable in the passenger seat. Then, as briefly as the akad nikah, the car glided onto the road, zooming past the abandoned groom and guests.
Mahsuri slowed down her car at a row of shophouses and proceeded to park in front of a bakery store. Nestled snugly in between the bakery store and a 7-Eleven was a cosy-looking Japanese restaurant. Diana’s eyes widened in wonder as Mahsuri led her inside the restaurant. Wooden paneling adorned the lower half of the restaurant and the walls were decorated with delicate paintings of koi fish swimming in pools of translucent water. Diana could have sworn the fishes were moving in the painting, manipulated by the gentle, golden light which illuminated the entire restaurant.
“Irasshaimase!” shouted one of the servers, his smile beaming brightly as he carried a tray of bentos over to a table.
“Come, Diana. Let’s sit down at one of the booths,” Mahsuri said as she gently led Diana over to an empty booth situated at the left-side corner of the restaurant.
Even though Diana had made herself comfortable in one of the seats, she still looked rather wary. She had lived with her father for five years before Mahsuri came along. Mahsuri, ever eager to get to know her stepdaughter, had met Diana several times before but Diana did not respond to most of Mahsuri’s questions. The most that her stepmother would get was a tentative nod or a stiff shake of her head. Now, Diana was situated alone with Mahsuri in a new and foreign restaurant.
“What would you like to eat, Diana?” Mahsuri asked, flipping through the menu.
Diana opened the menu. She saw bentos with different types of main dishes. Bentos with chicken, bentos with fish (cooked or raw), bentos with grilled meat… She flipped the menu to the other page. Various types of sushi, sushi with salmon, tuna, egg rolls, red octopus (Diana shivered and quickly looked away from the rather grotesque imagery of a small octopus sitting on top of a pile of cooked rice)… Suddenly, something caught Diana’s eye. She pointed at the dish and looked expectantly at Mahsuri.
“Oh, chawanmushi? Sure! It’s one of my favourites here. Let’s get two for the both of us. I’ll order a chicken bento that we can share together,” Mahsuri said.
The gentle scent of sashimi, sticky rice, sizzling meat, and green tea made Diana’s mouth water. It lingered all over the restaurant as the wafting smells of various Japanese dishes emanated from the servers as they hurried over to their customers’ tables. After around ten minutes of waiting, the ordered dishes finally arrived at their table.
“Two chawanmushis, a chicken bento, and two cold green teas,” the server said, and after carefully arranging them on the table, bowed slightly before returning to the kitchen.
Diana wasted no time and dug her spoon inside the chawanmushi. The scent emanating from the dish was foreign but exciting at the same time. As she tasted the dish, she couldn’t help but let out a squeal of glee.
“It tastes so good!” Diana said, her eyes gleaming with happiness.
Mahsuri smiled at Diana as she also began to savour her chawanmushi. Removed from the hustle and bustle of the wedding, Diana seemed happier than ever as she swung her legs and hummed gently, bathing in the scenery of the Japanese restaurant.
***
Transported back to the present, Diana looked at her chawanmushi. Ain was still licking her spoon, savouring every miniscule speck of her own dish. Her eyes were transfixed upon the conveyor belt, looking longingly at all the different sushis that she wished to sample. As Diana pushed her spoon into the remains of her dish, it began to slowly break apart, revealing the mushrooms, crab sticks, and fishcakes hidden beneath the surface. The chawanmushi cracked into little bits and pieces, its softness finally breaking under the pressure of the spoon, revealing its hidden secrets. Diana looked at the fragments as she recalled a painful memory, hidden deep in the past but brought to attention in Diana’s unconscious mind by the broken pieces of the chawanmushi…
***
Diana was fourteen years old and was at the very peak of her rebellious adolescent phase. She constantly fought with Mahsuri, the tension running high between the stepmother and the stepdaughter. In an attempt to brighten up the situation, Mahsuri, feigning cheerfulness, suggested that they go and have their lunches at one of their favourite haunts, which was the Japanese restaurant. Diana grumbled a note of assent. The ride in the car was silent, punctuated by failed attempts at conversation by Mahsuri towards her stepdaughter. Once they had arrived at the restaurant, they sat in stony silence. Sullen and bad-tempered, Diana’s face and heart seemed to be carved out of stone. Mahsuri sighed and proceeded to order food for both of them. As they dug into the bentos, the silence lingered heavily, preventing them from uttering any words to mediate the situation. The atmosphere of the restaurant, which once had brought so much lightness and joy to Diana when she was younger, felt oppressive and stifling during this particular moment. The smell of the sizzling beef at a nearby table was suffocating Diana. Its smoke slowly slithered around her throat and choked her with its very scent, keeping her silent.
Mahsuri toyed with the spoon in her right hand. She nestled the small porcelain cup filled with chawanmushi in her left hand. Mahsuri’s flustered attempt at ordering dishes for both of them resulted in her accidentally ordering only one chawanmushi. After several moments of deliberation had passed amidst the clinking of spoons and plates, Mahsuri silently pushed the chawanmushi towards Diana. Isn’t this her favourite dish?, Diana thought as she stared at Mahsuri, who kept her gaze lowered as her chopsticks tore apart the fried salmon in her bento. Diana’s own feelings of resentment towards her stepmother, built upon many instances of trifling arguments which unfortunately weighed their entire relationship down, made her see the gesture as a challenge rather than an act of reconciliation. She swirled her spoon inside the chawanmushi. The silence of her stepmother only made her feel more incensed. The chawanmushi began to break apart and the dizzying speed of the spoon made the condiments drown in their surroundings. Finally, scooping up huge fragments of the chawanmushi with her spoon, Diana quickly gulped down the dish, burning her tongue with the scalding temperature as a result. Standing up, she wiped her mouth hastily and raced out of the restaurant, her black dress swishing around at her ankles. Mahsuri remained seated in the restaurant, her head hung low.
***
Diana was awakened from her reverie when her daughter began banging on the table with a spoon.
“Ain, please don’t do that.”
Diana took the spoon away from her daughter. Her daughter stared at her angrily. “Ain is done!” she huffed. “Itadakimasu!”
“Ah yes, we ate our meals already.” Diana laughed. “Shall we go back home?” Ain nodded as she hopped from the table and quickly toddled towards the exit.
“Wait for me, baby!” Diana hastily grabbed her purse and chased after Ain, gently taking hold of her daughter’s hand as they went to the counter and waited in line to pay the bill.
The taste of chawanmushi still lingered in Diana’s mouth. It had been a while since she had dinner with Mahsuri at this Japanese restaurant. Diana, a single mother, was constantly kept busy with juggling work along with the antics of her daughter. She barely had time to meet Mahsuri but tried her best to at least visit during festivities such as Hari Raya. During Diana’s last visit to her childhood home, she was enthusiastically greeted by Mahsuri. Her stepmother’s hair looked much grayer and her shuffled walk indicated that she had gotten slower and older. Diana always enjoyed her visits to her childhood home. A gentle smile adorned her face as Mahsuri would constantly dote over Ain, who pouted in mock anger as her grandmother pinched her cheeks and ruffled her hair.
Diana suddenly fumbled around in her pink salmon handbag, searching for her smartphone. Diana and Ain were still waiting in line. As it was a Saturday, throngs of people went to eat there, bringing along with them their children who gazed at the mesmerising koi paintings as Diana had done numerous times during her own childhood, with her own stepmother. Swimming in her sweet and bitter memories, she called Mahsuri. She thought it would be nice to have dinner at this place again, perhaps with just the two of them. They would go on a day when Ain’s father was available to take care of her. And this time, Diana will make sure to order two chawanmushis.
– THE END –
