Jason looked at the sunset. For real this time.
No curious glances or accidental glimpses at the heavens. But a profound and breathtaking admiration of the impossible. A ball of fire slowly drowning in an ocean of blue.
He wondered what it would look like once he himself reached the final moment of his twilight years. The culmination of an entire human existence. The Big Full Stop to his epic life story.
Would he even get the chance to see his last sunset, his eyes following the path of the light as it gradually disappears from the horizon? Would his soul remember this lifetime as it passed on to the next? Would he get to spend those last seconds with the love of his life?
He gazed at the misshapen clouds as if to divine the omens of his future, and came to the conclusion that perhaps it was okay to never find true love. People make such a big deal out of it.
What was so great about finding your “other half” anyway, as if you were somehow incomplete, or had a part of yourself missing.
Humans are such silly little creatures.
They constantly want things they can’t have and spend years of their lives chasing them only to immediately lose interest the moment they get what they want.
Love was just one of the many foolish pursuits mortals enjoy tormenting themselves over.
Up till that point he had been completely happy with the way things are: cheap wine, tears and broken hearts. A string of part-time lovers and failed romances that made his life just interesting enough to be bearable.
He wondered if all his attempts at finding The One was really just about finding himself, to restore the divine, neglected parts buried deep within so that he can finally understand that the only person he should learn to love unconditionally was himself.
But he realized, that that day was far ahead of him, a dream paved with more tears and more broken hearts.
Jason wondered if the Buddha ever found his true love in his path toward enlightenment, and if he had to give it up so that he could achieve eternal peace.
That must have been hard.
“What are we all after really?” He asked to no one in particular. His brain trying to stitch together a narrative that would best placate the angry swarm of thoughts in his mind. Alone or not, everyone was just as miserable as he was.
They were all just too proud or too ignorant to admit it, even to themselves.
“I don’t need anyone,” Jason thought to himself, as he looked at the sunset as it slowly faded from view, its last rays engulfed by the coming night, a flicker of hope beneath a blanket of darkness. It was honestly how he was feeling. Was this what they called a dark night of the soul?
“I’m completely happy on my own,” he said, wishing that, at least for a moment, he didn’t have to be. After all how many more sunsets could he enjoy before it was too late to share it with someone he truly cared about other than himself?
Written by
Zack Shah
Penwings Author of the Best-selling ‘More Than Words’
